if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
