Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
