Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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