paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
