I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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