Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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