i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
