Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm at about main and main street
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
