I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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