just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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