ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
