Kareoke will never be a sober sport
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
