I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
