Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
