i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
