dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
