Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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