He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
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I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
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Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I want to fling myself into the sun
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.