We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do