Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.