I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.