put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.