if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better