this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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