you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
