Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
