when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
