I only kidnapped one of them. chill
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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