Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
