why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
