I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
