Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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