you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
