Soap is not a condiment
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize