I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
