Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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