So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
