who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
