It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize