The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
he's single and there are thong briefs.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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