I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
