i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
