meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
