Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
