All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
