oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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