I wish life had little blips of pornography
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
