My sheets look like a crime scene.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
