Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize