I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
we made out on top of his cat.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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