dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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