Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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