The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
