It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
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I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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