he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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