I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
