we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
