I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Holy shit dude........stairs
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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