I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize