You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
