i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
