I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
