It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
