yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
