There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
