Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
