I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
