um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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