I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
