Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
