Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The Olympian is in my bed
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
