false alarm. still invincible.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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