they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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