are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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