If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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