its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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