i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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