I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
third nipple confirmed
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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