Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
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Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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