i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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